Tuesday, 18 February 2014

Just to clear some things up.

Last night I received a comment on my Facebook page, that I'd like to start a little discussion about. I don't want to vilify anyone, as the matter between the commenter and myself have been cleared up, but I still feel the need to post this, in case anyone else feels the same way she does. Writing although I'm by no means a writer is therapeutic for me. I feel I need to get this off my chest for my own piece of mind, so I can just move on.  I don't want to post the entire comment, as I feel it could be triggering for a few people, and I always want this Blog to be a happy and safe place for people to come and enjoy fashion and beauty, regardless of their size. As well as that I just want to address the issues that I had a problem with.I also want to put out there, that she was polite and courteous for most part and complimentary to other aspects of my Blog, so her comment wasn't entirely negative. Saying that I still  have to really disagree with the majority of the comment and need to address it. I just feel for my own sanity, I need to clear a number of things up, and answer a few things publicly.


 Last week, due to a number of factors I ate out a lot. I even mentioned that I did, and said it was unusual for me. Normally I eat out once or twice a week and enjoy Mammy's home cooking the rest of the time, but the commenter felt that she need to bring this to my attention. Then proceeded to write an essay length comment on how unhealthily I was living. My first reaction, was of shock. Normally I encounter negativity of a different type, and maybe I'm over-reacting but she mentioned in the comment, a few things that I do want to address  publicly. Right off the bat, I do want to put a disclaimer here. I do not promote an unhealthy lifestyle, I simply promote being happy and healthy in yourself, and loving yourself regardless of what clothes size you wear. What hurt me most, was the thought that this comment wouldn't of been posted, If I wasn't "Plus Size" I read countless Blogs (and really enjoy them) that are full of restaurant reviews and the Blogger in question is eating out pretty much everyday, mainly these Blogs are fashion related, where the gorgeous Blogger is slim. It just makes me wonder what gives someone the right to lecture someone else on their eating habits.

 "I am genuinely shocked at how you casually and I'm sure unintentionally promote such unhealthy eating habits" 
I don't promote, anything. I don't condone eating out everyday, but I certainly don't endorse it either. Personally I only eat out roughly once a week on a normal basis, and you can see that on Instragram, as I'm an Instragram addict. I purely show you all snippets of my life. Contrary to popular belief I don't sit on my ass all day, every day stuffing my face. I'm active and come rain and shine, and because I don't drive, I pretty much walk everywhere, although that's none of your concern, or business.

"You have a responsibility to not encourage bad eating habits, when your online presence is in existence because of being, or writing about 'plus size'"
I'm not responsible for anyone, but myself. I promote loving yourself, no matter what shape or size you are,and being happy and healthy in body, soul and mind.  If you're a size 6 and happy, great! Same goes if you're a size 26 and so on! My online presence is not for anything other than to share my love of fashion and beauty, which I've made crystal clear on all my social media outlets.

"What if a size 6 woman wrote a Blog about fashion and provided detailed accounts about how she lived on lettuce and diet coke?"
First off, I'm in the middle of and documenting my spending, and being open and honest with my readers. Trust me If I did it a few months ago, I wouldn't of been eating out, as I simply didn't have the money. Although last week was hectic, and I had loads on,it's still no ones concern, and I again certainly don't have to justify myself to anyone. I have never in my two years of Blogging, have I gone into any sort of detailed account of what I eat, what I do etc. as I deem it to be irrelevant, and can be quite triggering for some people. I pride my self on my Blog as being a fashion Blog, and although I am plus size, I like to think there's something for everyone in it.  I'm also glad you've got some outfit inspiration from it! Secondly two of my 500 or so posts have been detailed about my eating habits, and I've even mentioned that I don't think I made the best food choices. Still though, It's none of your business. If it's a "Pro Anorexia" website, then I strongly condemn it, but my Blog certainly isn't a "Pro Obesity"Blog. It's about body confidence regardless of someone's shape, size or weight. My Blog isn't purely for Plus Size women. 

"I have lots of friends who are also plus size and genuinely struggle to keep weight off. We all eat healthy food, we take regular exercise, we eat take aways in moderation yet sometimes we still feel like we are being gluttonous and feel like we are not working hard enough when we look in the mirror and see the size 12,14 or 16. And I have to be honest and say that you are not helping By being a spokesperson for us curvy girls you have a responsibility to show the online community  that we are not all plus size because we eat too much. But by detailing these numerous take aways, chocolate bars etc, with no mention of exercise - I feel you are letting us down.."
I'm not a spokesperson for every plus size woman in the world, nor do I feel I should be. I'm just a regular girl, who loves fashion and beauty, who happens to be plus size! I do however love empowering women and  put emphasis on how all bodies can be beautiful, and be stylish. I also strongly stand for loving yourself, and your body regardless of size, and being unapologetic about it.  Just because you're plus size doesn't mean you eat everything and anything in sight, same goes for if you're underweight it doesn't mean you've an eating disorder. There can be numerous factors contributing to weight gain/weightloss. I don't document exercise because I don't document what I eat and what I do, on a regular basis. It doesn't fit in with what my Blog stands for.  I'm documenting my spending habits this month, not how much activity I've been doing. No one wants to know I walked to and from work, or any other exercise I do as  It's just not relevant to what I'd like to write about. I also don't include everything I've done that day, as a lot of it is uninteresting, and I don't deem it appropriate. 

 "I am not writing this to criticise your personal eating habits as it is none of my business. For the record, I think you look great. No one has a right to criticise or comment on how you as a person lead your life. What I do have an issue with however is that by being 'a curvy girl in a skinny world' and eating take out almost every day is sending out a dangerous message to women - telling them that they CAN eat extremely unhealthily and that will be okay."
Well we can agree on one thing, it is none of your business. After the essay length comment, you end it on a contradictory note. I don't eat take out everyday, which if you're a long reader of my Blog you'd realise. I rarely talk about eating, as it's irrelevant to the content on of my Blog, but thank you for noticing and adding your two cents in, when it's not welcomed. If you read my Frugal February Post, you'll see that I've even commented on how unusual it is for me, and the week before I went out once, and that was a a simple wrap in Nando's, and at another time I got a sandwich, which again I don't need to justify to you, or anyone else.

"I feel passionately about the detrimental impact convenience food is having on Irish society, physically and mentally. This is not an attack on you and I am not a troll. I just think that if you are going to represent curvy women you have a responsibility not to promote an unhealthy lifestyle."
Why I thank you for your genuine words of support for me, and my Blog I feel you're under an illusion on what my Blog is all about. I'm all for healthy living, and I'm always trying to cut back,and be more healthier, but I don't share it with my readers, for a number of reasons, mainly it's irrelevant to my Blog. I'm not a "Health and Fitness Blog" I talk about fashion and beauty 99.9% of the time. I don't condemn nor endorse any lifestyle, as my Blog is fashion and beauty related. I'm not responsible for promoting a healthy lifestyle, and I certainly don't endorse an unhealthy lifestyle.  I hope this has cleared up a couple of things, and I hope in the future you can be a bit more open minded. 

So there you have it. I don't want to victimise anyone, and I don't want to be nasty, I just needed to clear a few things up. Over all my opinion of the matter won't change. No one has the right to criticise anyone for their eating or lifestyle habits. I'm all for body positivity and if you want to see some more health related Blog posts, it's something I would be open to think about, although I'd always stay true to my views and my primary focus will always be on  Fashion and Beauty!

Let me know your thoughts on the matter, as I'd love to hear your opinions, however If you do want to voice your opinion please be constructive to both parties, as I don't want any negativity. Remember people, it's a Safe and Happy Place!

Sian xxx

32 comments:

  1. Wow. That person has a big chip on their shoulder. It's justified given the increase in obesity and decrease in physical activity in the western world. What's not justified however is for her to take it out on you. It seems as if she made an awful lot of presumptions, none of them justified. Also, she misunderstands the nature of a blog. Though the gap between conventional media and blogging is getting narrower, blogs are still essentially personal diaries. And because of this, no blogger is responsible for promoting any particular view/agenda.

    When stuff like this comes up, I simply say, "If you don't like it, don't read it."

    Fair play to you for writing such a measured response x

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  2. What an eloquently worded response Sian. I personally read your blog for your impeccable sense of style and you really inspire me, you gorgeous girlie. I wouldn't be over here on your blog if it was all about lifestyle, sport or food because I'm interested in reading about fashion and beauty. Keep doing what you do best and promoting happiness for all.

    Laura www.whatlauralovesuk.com xxx

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  3. I really hate when people see fit to post such ridiculous outpourings of faux concern. It really grinds my gears. Whoever wrote that doesn't really care anything about the issues they raised, they just wanted to fat shame.

    Why do you have a responsibility to show other people that not all plus size people are plus size because they eat too much? Telling your followers you ate out is letting them down? How exactly? If the author of that email has so much guilt at having a takeaway they have more issues then they realise.

    Keep doing what your doing, your'e a brilliant example for all of your followers, simply by being yourself and enjoying life, no matter what anyone else says.

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  4. Sian, your response is amazing. I won't lie, I was directed to this blog through a retweet of this post and it made me sit up and take notice of the rest of it (which I'm thoroughly enjoying reading, by the way). I think that regardless of any of their points, this person waded in and made a whole heap of presumptions about you having no idea of the bigger picture, which is that you don't claim to be a spokesperson for anyone as far as I can see.

    And as for the "I feel you are letting us down" comment, oh please. As a size 16-18, you're not letting me down whatsoever. What you're doing is showing that we shouldn't have to think about the "message" it sends out if we happen to sit down and eat something a bit naughty.

    I'll be a follower as of today, because I think your blog is just the kind of thing I'd love to read regularly :)

    Nadine, xo
    www.darlingdee.blogspot.co.uk

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  5. Seriously cannot believe this basic bitch. 'I'm not criticising you, but I am.' How dare they?! Its the oldest trick in the book concern masked as body snark. This person isn't concerned for you one tiny bit, they're just offended that you're out there living the life you want to live and eating whatever the hell you want!!!

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    1. Haha I agree with this comment. Especially the basic bitch part.

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    2. You deserve a medal for that "basic bitch" comment

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  6. This is so horrible. How someone could be so disgusting and just mean to say something like that. What is it to her if you eat out or eat in. Your writing it for a purpose on your blog not for her to critique you on. Im shocked people like this even have the nerve to say something like that.

    You are the most beautiful person I have ever had the pleasure of meeting and regard you as an amazing friend and she is just a small minded person and just ignore it and brush it off, your response is perfect and full of class.

    your perfect!!! :*

    xx

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  7. Seems like someone is a little jealous of how you look (aka GORGEOUS) and how confident you are in your body. You have certainly given me confidence, along with many fashion and beauty tips, and while I read your blog almost daily, I never see you promoting an "unhealthy" lifestyle.

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  8. Sian, you look fabulous every time I see you, more than that you look Happy and confident and a joy to be around. Your such a warm and positive person.

    I am still laughing at the "we are not all plus size because we eat too much" eeeh yeah we kinda are (for the most part) but guess what thats everybody own thing to deal with it is about being happy with themselves and that person obviously is not

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  9. What an ass they are. You are an inspiration for me; showing how happy you are in yourself. I'm a not so happy person in my size, and I wish I could be like you and just be happy with what I have. That commenter is a malicious version of myself -they are jealous of how happy you are and that you are proving you don't have to be anorexically skinny to do so . Look at the support you have on here from strangers - don't let one jealous bitch take that away from you. Everyone famous has to have a couple of haters! :)

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  10. Hello Sian, I am a fifty one year old woman,and mum, I for one love your blog and what a positive happy outlook you have on yourself, i wish i could be like that with myself and i am a mature lady , you are a inspirational young woman !!!, keep up the good work ! best wishes x.

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  11. Hi Sian,
    People like this woman seriously need to get a bloody life. Why do people have to be so blooming judgemental. lf she has such a big problem with you why on earth does she read your blog. l think you are a very dignified young lady and don't need to justify your expenditure or social life to anyone. l think your a wonderful role models to young people plus size or not. lf you were my wee daughter l would be proud to have you.
    Be very proud of what you've achieved, us plus size folk are finally finding our voices and some ignorant people just don't like it. Hold your head high and carry on the good work. Susanne x.

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  12. I am genuinely shocked she had the inclination to write you such a comment. How interested in someone else's life would you have to be to be so critical. Janey Mac.

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  13. I am outraged to read a post like this. How does somebody think they have the right to comment on someone else's lifestyle choices. I love this blog for its FASHION and BEAUTY related posts and I always look forward to seeing Forever Fabulous In Bows has created a new post. The posts are always genuine, and this blogger never tries to be anything that she is not, which is why I don't understand how someone can lecture her on something she hasn't done.

    I am never "let down" by any posts made by this blogger, in fact I am inspired in so many different ways that I finish reading these blog posts with a happy outlook on both life and myself. Everyone is entitled to their opinions, but she's expressing views that aren't relevant to this blog at all. This girl needs to crawl out from behind her computer screen and get a life.

    Anyone who would take the time to make up such unfounded accusations about someone else, clearly is trying to bring Sian down for reasons I can't fathom. I hope that these comments do not affect Sian as she is perfect just the way she is. On the other hand, I hope that the hater has seen all these comments and realised the huge support Sian has received on this matter. Clearly the hater is the only one who feels this way.

    A dedicated reader,

    xoxo

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  14. Shocking! You handled it so well hun with such grace, and showed her who's the better person! x

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  15. Wow, who does she think she is thinking she can comment on another persons lifestyle choices!

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  16. Omw who does this person think they are?! And what right did they have to attack you like that?!?! It's not like you run a diet blog or claim to be on some fad diet!!! And I hardly think people are going to read a normal persons blog and think Ooo I must copy everything they do!!! I mean I too review or recommend restaurants etc as part of my random and scatty little blog but I don't expect people to follow exactly what I do and eat what I ate!! I mean your blog is for you because you enjoy it and to share your experiences with others and perhaps inspire them, get their mind going or relate to them. Never does anyone actually think or no doubt want them to copy their lifestyle and everything they do, I'm sure even the big celebs feel like this too! That's what makes everyone different, unique and interesting! If everything you wrote or read was exactly the same as everyone else on the planet no one would be bothered as we would all be so boring! Clearly that person has such a pathetic existence and is jealous about your life that they thought they would try to act like a totally 'amazing' person on their high horse and try to put you down in that oh so nice, don't take it the wrong way kind of way! Well you know what like i always say if you don't like me, what I say, or do well jog on I am happy and I don't need people like that in my life, life is too short so be happy and live it how you want! Don't listen to others and let their jealous, pathetic opinions put a dent in you and your confidence!!! Xxxx

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  17. Fat shaming, patronizing comments like hers make me so angry! Nobody has the right to criticize your eating habits or the way you live your life. Nobody! Even if you lived solely on a diet of junk food, it still wouldn't be anybody's business. It's your life, and not their's! You work hard, why shouldn't you be out there spending your free time with your friends over a meal and a few drinks? It shows you're out there enjoying your life! I've read your blog for two years, and not once have I ever heard you promote unhealthy eating or obesity, nor have I seen you talk much about your diet or dieting. It's completely irrelevant to what you blog about. Fashion and beauty. Just because you're a blogger, you don't owe anything to anybody! (In fact, people should owe YOU for all the hard work you put in to your lovely blog)!! You're not a rep for every plus size person in the world and you've never claimed to be; does she think that all fat girls are manufactured exactly the same and we need a spokes girl to speak for us all?? Does a skinny blogger represent all thin girls?? It's completely ridiculous! Your blog is YOUR little space where you share your passion of fashion and beauty and you have every right to write about your life, and be yourself. The hater is just a troll, no matter how they try to deny it, and she should be concentrating on her own life instead of spending her time criticizing others and putting her nose in where it's not wanted! xx

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  18. The fact that this person seems to be offended by your lifestyle (and only during one week) they need to lighten up. You are dead right- if a slimblogger posts updates regarding the restaurant they eat in, nothing is said about their lifestyle. Fair play to you for addressing this publicly. I love your blog, not because you are "plus size" but because I like the content you create and the looks you post are phenomenal.

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  19. I agree wholeheartedly with what everyone else has said... We read your blog because we love the content, if people are not happy with it and feel you promote something they don't agree with; nobody is forcing them to read it!! You handled yourself so well, keep up the fabulous work :) xx

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  20. I could go on and on and on here if I had all day, but what really strikes me is how eloquently you explained yourself, without justifying yourself and it's only made your blog appear stronger, and indeed you as a person stronger. Keep shining girl xxx

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  21. What the actual effffff! Can't believe someone would ever say something like that to another person, especially under the false pretence that they 'care'. How utterly ridiculous! And how dare they make you feel guilty for going about your life. Keep doing what you're doing hun, it's no one else's business! :)

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  22. Shocking! But not surprising really I use to be plus sized myself and had to take this type of crap from time to time.
    Now I've lost a lot of weight and I still get some criticism from some judgemental person. I agree 100% when you say that every body is beautiful.
    http://www.joannavictoria.co.uk/

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  23. Jesus. I'm a big girl myself and I would never, ever expect anyone to be a "role model" or have "responsibility" towards me. If someone eats a burger and instagrams it (never happens), that's hardly going to make me spin around my kitchen screaming "you had a burger, now I want a burger, you've totally failed me" - in all fairness. This blog isn't about food, it's not about diets, it's not a weight loss or health blog. It's a fashion blog and it says that right up the top. For someone to comment on your personal food choices is shocking, irrelevant, and downright rude. Whoever sat down and penned that thinly veiled insult has a neck on them like a jockey's boll**ks. Fair play to you for writing such a cool, calm reply. You keep doing what you're doing and don't let anyone EVER try and make you feel like you are responsible for the choices of others. If that person has such low self esteem and lack of willpower that a few food photos trigger that kind of response in them, they have serious issues that need attention and your blog isn't one of them.

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  24. Fair play to you Sian! As you can clearly see you have such a loyal fan-base so don't let any selfish, busybody like that person who commented get you down. Your blog is fantastic and fair play for all your hard work!

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  25. I feel sad that you even had to write this blog post, although I possibly feel worse for the commenter for being so insecure that she had to find a scapegoat for her obvious self loathing and lack of self acceptance. I don't see why you need to respond to her comments. If she's not happy with the content the answer is simple, click unlike and find a blog that you don't have a problem with.

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  26. In the poster's defence though Irish people are super unhealthy and I get frustrated at the amount of "bad" food people eat unknowingly. Don't get me wrong I have McDonalds 2-3 times a month and eat sweets etc - I just have an issue with the lack of proper nutritional education provided to the public, like people not realizing how bad/good a food is for you etc. HOWEVER, I totally agree with what you said Sian, and also it's not like you have anything to do with Irelands poor nutrition!! Also hate what she said about "we aren't plus size because we eat too much" - we hardly got rounded tummies from too much broccoli - I think that is a worse message to send out! I'm really impressed at how well and calmly you responded to her. Also would like to add that just because someone is big does not necessarily mean that they are unhealthy - I had a rather skinny friend but she was super unhealthy because all she would eat was chocolate, just not enough to put on weight! Fair play to you Sian, it's no one else's business what one person eats! x

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    1. I agree completely about how unhealthy the Western World has become, and I for one am trying to make better choices with my food. I also agree there should be more nutritional advice, for people to making more informed choices to what they're eating. However it's all about choice. I've eaten out once this week and think I'll maybe be going to Dinner on Sunday but that's it for this week. But I don't need to tell the likes of her that. What annoyed me further was it wasn't a food diary it was purely what I spent money on that week. I don't spend money on the fruit and veg etc that I eat at home, because I don't pay for the grocery shop! You're 100% right Slim doesn't necessarily mean healthy, and overweight doesn't mean unhealthy! No one has the right to lecture you on your eating habits! Thank you for your comment! :) x

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  27. I keep starting to write a comment about this... but then get so agry I have to stop. There are so many messed up things in this person's email I don't know where to start. You are one of the lovliest bloggers I've ever met and it really pisses me off that you had to put up with this. I think the crux of the matter is that you don't have a responsibility to anyone but yourself.... and you know that, so just keep on doing what you are doing. xxxxx

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  28. Wow think she has far too much time on her hands, I have to agree I think you received this simply because your plus size and whats a plus size girl doing eating out like normal people??? (sarcasm) I think your blog is amazing and I think your style is fantastic. Dont let simple minded people get to you hunni x x

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  29. I like how in this comment, she tries to defend herself, because she know's what she is doing is wrong.

    Its all completely hypocritical.


    Love your blog, keep up the good work!

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